“I can and I will. Watch me.”
That’s what she told herself. Then, a miracle happened almost overnight.
I am writing today from the capital city of the Philippines. Yes, I’m here. Not for good, but maybe for a little while. Out of spontaneity, I booked a flight to Manila and let God take control of what’s going to happen next. I was in the verge of muddle. I battled with my feelings and thoughts everyday. I slept very late and little did I know, I was bothered by something I do not even know.
I came here jobless. I came here to figure out what I really want in life. I know, it’s a bit impractical and probably not a good decision for you, considering I have no stable plans or safe emotions, to fly all the way here with no job waiting, no decent salary filling in to my bank account, no family.
With a little money left in my wallet, I started job hunting. I searched for potential companies and walked into their office, submit my application and take interviews with no preparations at all. After a day, I started thinking if I made the right decision of coming here or if this will just worsen my vulnerability. I cried.
I woke up the next day finding myself taking interviews again. I was not motivated enough but I still showed up anyway. Third day came. Then just like that, I was hired.
You know, I have always felt the need to ask for someone’s opinion whenever I decide on something crucial or to simply just decide where to eat. I have depended so much on other people that I realized I was losing my self-confidence. I used to be this independent girl who shops alone, eats alone, run errands alone. I have even tried to live alone back in Cebu.
It may be because I didn’t have a support system back then that I learned to do things on my own. My parents were always away and I didn’t have a big circle of friends in college. I remember, when we were tasked to do a group project, I would ask my professors if I could do it alone. I was in that level of independence. But now that I have reconnected with my good old bestfriends, I felt so much support from them. We exchange advices and lessons and talk about adulting. I also have found a boyfriend who’s like my life mentor. And every time I make a big decision, I would tell my mother about it and she would say what’s her take on it even if I didn’t ask for her opinion. You know, that’s automatic for them.
Now that I am in my past mid 20’s, I am working on getting my self-confidence back and that made me relocate here. I wanted to start a fresh new year, so might as well do something very different. Or live somewhere away from home. I wonder what my life would be in the next few days. I am excited to start my new job and explore this city all alone.
You see, I came here jobless, confused, broke as f, but now, I am about to start a new exciting life. This goes to show that we should never give up despite the shortcomings and discouragements we have been through. 2019 didn’t start out great for me. I didn’t spend new year happily and I was so unhealthy physically, emotionally, and mentally. But I didn’t let that eat me. I was scared of losing myself. So I came out of my shell. I took the high road. I took the risk. I know it won’t be easy, but I believe it will be worth it.
Lately, I took a break from social media. I stopped positing photos on Instagram for a while and I rarely update on Facebook. I stayed away from negativity and ignored the things won’t make me happy. I spent more time discovering something about myself, going back to my hobbies, and actually living the life. I have changed my priorities, modified some of my perspectives, and thanked the good Lord for the blessings. I have learned not to complain when something is not going my way. Honestly, I used to set timelines for my life as if I have the power to predict the future. I wanted to settle down at 26 or 27. I wanted to start a family before I turn 30. I wanted to be a manager at 35 and have a stable business at 40. I had so many things lined up for my life and none of it is close to what I have now.
Last year, I was too hard to myself. It pressured me that I was not even half close to my dreams and goals. I was depressed and no one knew. I was unhappy. I was struggling through quarterlife crisis. Then one day, I came along this vlog of someone. Okay, let’s drop a name. It’s the b/vlogger Kryz Uy, who happens to be a Cebuana also. The content of that particular vlog changed my outlooks in life (well, not totally, but mostly). She inspired me so much to inhale positivity, exhale negativity. That’s when I crashed out all of the timelines I have set in my life and just go with the flow. Oh, by the way, I have also included to remove the people around me who keep judging my life decisions and make me feel like I have never done enough. Long were the days when I always think of what other people might say about me when I do something. There are just so much wonderful things the world has to offer. You may not feel very lucky today for the unfortunate turn of events, but something beautiful is bound to happen if you keep believing. Good things come to those who patiently wait and work for it.