The Proposal: Not the Usual

14th of August, 2020. It was a Friday night and I was about to start my shift. On most days, I am cranky on the first few minutes after I wake up but at that night I was exceptionally not. I even helped him in the kitchen reheating the food for our dinner. We don’t usually eat together on working days because we have a totally opposite shift. But the universe was very supportive of his plan. My meetings were miraculously cancelled so we got to have dinner together. I knew there was something going on because prior to that day, he kept asking me what I wanted to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He knows I only eat twice a day, sometimes even just once.

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Dear Diary Series | Episode 24

A few minutes from now, the curtains will brighten up because it’s about sunrise. I am still wide awake because I woke up at 10 in the evening last night. I just watched French Toast and jumped out of the bed after the movie. Opened my laptop and now I’m trying to write. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to post this. I had so many drafts that went to trash bin because I never got to finish them. Well anyway, I’m moving to Paris or Italy. Just kidding, but I hope it really happens. There’s something about Paris and Italy that makes me want to live there forever. I promise I’d try all the flavors of gelato.

If the books that I read and movies that I watch with Paris and Italy settings are signs that I’m moving there, I tell you, I would in a heartbeat. Lately, I’ve been watching really really old films. The oldest one is 1950’s – Roman Holiday. It’s a black and white film but I did love it. About a month ago, I binge-watched the movies where Audrey Hepburn starred. Adored that woman so much that I’m pretty sure I’ll have her photograph hung in one of the corners of my house someday.

It is Sunday today. I am torn between going back to sleep and start cleaning. Or painting. We’ll see. I have tried painting and it seemed like it’s not for me or maybe I just need more patience instead of giving up too early before I could finish one simple artwork.

Should I just cook breakfast now? Is it normal to crave for samgyupsal early in the morning? Am I normal? My stomach is rumbling. I should start preparing my food before my drowsiness takes over. Or laziness. Okay, BRB in 4 months?

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Dear Diary Series | Episode 23

So, I just used up all my brain cells for the week and my Monday shift hasn’t even started yet. I composed a whole document to be submitted later tonight. I was supposed to wrap it up last Friday, but then the procrastination queen inside of me prevailed. I hope my boss won’t get to read this or I shall pray for some good luck on my upcoming performance evaluation. I attempted to get it all done last Saturday but ended up sleeping all day. Hence, consumed all the left hours of my Sunday rest day cramming to finish it. Well, I did. Just about an hour ago. It’s currently 20 minutes after 6 in the morning. I haven’t slept yet since last night. My body clock is so fcked up every weekend.

Oh boy, I’m even planning to go out later to buy a mini sack of rice and spend an hour roaming around Watsons picking up Korean products in hopes that I’ll be at least half as pretty as those girls. They look like dolls, don’t they? I’ve heard people say not to buy K products as they’re not made for the weather we have in Philippines. Well, works on me. Sorry, friends. I guess my skin is made from Korea. Kidding aside.

I am thinking of what to eat for breakfast but I just devoured my Mendoko ramen leftover from dinner. I’ll probably get some sleep once I posted this. Then wake up before noon to go for a grocery run. Although there’s a 98.2% chance that ain’t happening. I want to be productive on my Monday morning to make up for the lost hours I devoted to sleep on weekends. Maybe I should finish the book I started reading. I’m stuck at chapter one.

Also, just want to brag that I cooked chicken tinola last week. It seemed like the first time I pulled off a decent viand. I was so proud of myself that I had it for two days in a row. I wish my family could’ve tasted it. They would never believe I cooked it because you know, I could barely turn on a stove. I never got the chance to spend time in the kitchen and prepare meals for the fam. Okay, I really had all the time to do that, but let’s just say I didn’t. Moreover, let’s forget the fact that I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in HRM.

Way back in college, my aunt asked me to slice hotdogs. I was so embarrassed because I didn’t know how to properly slice a hotdog. It was like rocket science for me. Every occasion, I always tried to offer some help in the kitchen but they keep me away from the stove and oven. My only contributions were peeling and slicing the veggies. And they even had to show me a sample on how to slice it or else, I would mince everything.

I also didn’t want to touch raw meat because it brings me back to the time when I held a kitten with bare hands, then I threw it right away because I could feel its skin and bones. I was so grossed out. Poor little thing. I’m so sorry, Lord. I was being punished for it because there was one time when my aunt asked me to rinse the ground meat she bought fresh from the market. I couldn’t say no to her. I was so horrified while rinsing it. I almost never touched it. If only it was my mother who asked me to do it, I would just run away and come back after 24 hours.  

My father always used to tell me when will they ever get to taste a dish I prepared. I just pretend I didn’t hear anything. I wonder how I passed my cooking subjects in school. I was always useless in the kitchen. I am only good at washing soiled dishes. But look at me now, my second favorite room in the house is the kitchen. Bedroom is always number one because sleep is life, lol.

Amazing how fast I can type my thoughts for a blog but took me two days to finish a document for work. I should write a book with a different story for each chapter since I easily shift topics. The readers would be confused of what’s the bottomline. I could imagine the reviews saying I am the worst writer ever. Guess I should just stick to blogging, huh. Got to hit the sack now.

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Dear Diary Series | Episode 22

I’d like to believe that this is all just a dream. One of those nightmares that go away once you drink a glass of water or get up and say a prayer. But no, it is damn real.

March 17, 2020 at 12:00 AM. Metro Manila was officially placed in quarantine. All public transportations were suspended. Companies sent their employees home early. Where was I? I was in the office working, thinking of ways on how I should go home. I have no private car and no family to pick me up at work. I thought I would just walk on my way home. Thankfully, my officemate offered to drop me off to the place where I live.

I never panicked. I did not even think of stocking up on food and other necessities immediately. It took a while for me to realize that the world has become different as the days went by. I was not even updated on how many cases were there already. It’s not that I did not care enough because I was not greatly affected by the circumstance, I just entrusted everything to the Lord.  

The weekend after quarantine was declared, I went to shop for groceries. I saw an old man as I was browsing through the toothpaste aisle. He was wearing a polo shirt that looked two sizes bigger than his. His slippers were muddy. No, I didn’t think he was gross. All I felt at that moment was guilt and pity. He was holding a basket with only a few items inside – a pack of bread, maybe 2 to 3 pieces of canned goods, and whatnots. Meanwhile, there I was, pushing one large cart full of items that some were not even useful for the next 6 months. When I was about to pay at the counter, I looked for the old man. I wanted him to get some more supplies and offer to pay it for him. But he was gone. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I kept thinking about him when I unpacked the groceries at home. I regret to miss the chance of being able to help even just a little. The thought of him bothered me for days and nights. I was thinking if the supplies he bought would even last for a week. The very least I could do was to pray for him.

Today is day 37 of quarantine. I haven’t gone out for more than a month now but I’m still sane. Although I have attempted to join the bandwagon and download TikTok. Then I realized I’m not ready to lose my reputation just yet. I’m kidding. TikTok warriors, I have nothing against you, lol.

I am used to isolating myself so keeping me quarantined makes no drastic change in my life. I still report to work on a night shift. Only that, I wear pajamas instead of office attire and sit on a dining chair with an iron board as my makeshift table. It’s pretty comfortable, can’t complain. But a La-Z-Boy would be perfection. Though I’m afraid I will be sleeping the entire shift because you know, once you sit on it you just don’t want to get up. Kidding aside. I know it’s not the time to wish for luxuries in life as we are facing crisis.

Anyhoo, how are you? There. In case no one has asked you how have you been. Wherever you are right now and whatever situation you are in, I hope you are doing just fine. I wish I am with my family right now. Tomorrow, I’ll be celebrating my birthday. They are supposed to be here today and spend a week of vacation but that’s no longer possible. I already canceled their flights and the accommodation that I have booked. I was planning for us to head to Baguio for a little sightseeing, stroll around the night market, and prolly have some fresh strawberries. My parents would enjoy the cold weather there. I also opted for a trip to Tagaytay if we couldn’t make it to Baguio. Papa loves a good bulalo and mama always wanted to visit Tagaytay. I was planning to show my brother the tech shops around Metro Manila. I was ready to go broke for a little while. I looked forward to spending some nights at Bonifacio High Street, drinking milk tea, snacking burgers and fries, listening to some local artists performing on the street, or just watching dogs (that most likely cost more than a month of my salary) walking around with their fur parents. But all of that is not happening anytime soon. Instead, I will be working my ass off on my birthday because I am so slammed at work these past few days. Again, not complaining. Probably just gonna prepare a good breakfast for myself and by good breakfast, I mean fried rice, scrambled eggs, danggit (salted dried fish), and milk on the side. Or maybe a hot chocomilk drink.

On days when I am not working, I binge-watch KDramas on Netflix, watch vlogs on YouTube, read some books, or spending hours on Pinterest. Some other days I am productive that I clean our whole place and do the laundry, but there are also those days when I am useless, lol.

I’ve been looking for ways to entertain myself as I can’t go out. I haven’t seen the sun and moon for a while now. Can’t even breathe the fresh air. Don’t know what day it is. A few days ago, I did a little artwork. I miss my art materials. If only I happened to be in Cebu right now, I wouldn’t be bored af. I could go on for days cutting papers, creating DIY projects, and painting my wall, I guess.

Recently, I found out about “The Chosen”. It’s an application allowing you to stream the series for free. Apparently, someone has paid for you to watch it and in return, you can also pay for other people to enjoy watching it for free. I’m still on episode 2 and I have not spent a single cent but I am just not sure if it would ask you to pay as you go on watching the rest of the episodes. It’s really interesting. Kind of similar to “The Passion of the Christ” but deeper. The story is about the life of Jesus. Highly recommend you to watch it and prepare a box of tissues.

This pandemic has given us the opportunity to spend more undivided time with our families and loved ones. So for those lucky people who are with their families right now, I hope you take advantage of the time to bond with each other while you can. Some could only wish they can do the same but are too far away.

To those who are in a NWNP (No Work, No Pay) situation and are running out of funds, may this pandemic be an eye-opener that we should have savings for we do not know what tomorrow may bring. There may be some people who would offer us help at the moment but we cannot always depend our survival on them.

To the frontliners who have been risking their lives every day to keep us safe, let’s also protect them with prayers.  

Now, as we are all hiding, the world is also healing. The skies are brighter, the waters are cleaner, the animals are happier. I cannot wait to go back to a normal life with fresher air and kinder people. Let us all take time to reflect that the worldly things like malls, clubs, restaurants, cars, and all that jazz are not essential as we are learning to live without them. They are just bonuses in life. The only thing that matters is our relationship with our families and friends, and our faith in the Lord. Lift everything up to Him and only Him. Keep believing that God is in control. This too, shall pass.

“Go, my people, enter your rooms and shut your doors behind you. Take cover, for in a little while the fury will be over.” – Isaiah 26:20

This entry was posted in Diaries.

Dear Diary Series | Episode 21

It has been more than a year since I moved in here in the capital city and I tell you, there are so many changes in my life.

You know, when I started writing, I never really expected someone to read my stories. I don’t have a lot  of friends to talk to, so maybe that is why I pour all of my thoughts into written words. I keep a blog because I want to look back on my stories one day and reminisce what I’ve been through, then laugh it off.

Anyway, I got another breaking news. I have a new job now. I left my previous company due to circumstances I don’t want to share yet. Whenever someone asks me how’s my current job, I always say that I am happy, associated with a genuine smile. I really am. I felt like I found myself again. I can joke around with my colleagues, I eat with them, I share my personal stories, I can be myself with them. Those are just the few things I missed. And can I just say that my boss is one of the best? I mean, I couldn’t point out a single thing to complain about him. I’m not even kidding.

At first, I was so hesitant to push through my application for this job because I will be working on a night shift. Little did I know, it suits my lifestyle perfectly because I have insomnia for about 3 years now. Thank God for that one friend of mine who forced me to just try to apply for this job. No regrets. Can’t sleep at night? Might as well get paid for it.

So, I am now an addition to the population of commuters. I take two rides back and forth. I have learned to memorize the bus routes and where to hail a jeepney. Most of the time, I run to catch the bus only to miss it in a couple of seconds. I have mastered the art of balancing when I don’t get to sit in the bus and have nowhere and no one to hold. I can manage to watch KDrama just standing or leaning onto the vertical handrail. Sometimes, someone would offer me a seat which made me believe that chivalry’s not dead, just yet. On some days, I would look at the people’s outfits and give them a free makeover in my imagination. When I don’t feel like observing the people around me, I watch the KDrama someone sitting beside me is watching. Or I peek at a teenager’s phone while she stalks someone on Twitter. The things I do to keep me entertained for the whole trip.

I used to hate mornings but now I enjoy my early morning walks. The birds chipping and the cold breeze that blows my hair remind me that I am almost home and that life is good.

It is now five in the morning. I am wide awake and in my pyjamas and hoodie. My stomach is growling though I’ve had my dinner at 12 midnight. I’m gonna wrap up this post now and maybe read a book to help me fall asleep. But most probably it will only keep me up. We’ll see.

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Taiwan-dering 2019

It’s been more than a week since I got back from Taiwan and I’m still on cloud nine. I was supposed to post this last weekend but I unfortunately got sick a few days after our trip. September and February are usually the months I am most vulnerable to sickness. I’m all good now, thank God.

As much as possible, I’ll try to be more informative with this travel post. I will indicate MUST TRY/ MUST HAVE/ MUST GO in the captions for the ones I think are recommendable.

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Dear Diary Series | Episode 21

Time check. It’s 26 minutes after 1 AM. I still have a work later cause apparently, it is still not a Friday night. But I still decided to pull out my laptop and now I am gonna start telling you stories you didn’t even asked to hear in the first place.

As I walked home this evening, I decided to pass by Bonifacio High Street. I don’t usually take this route cause I think it would take me longer to get home or I’m just bad at calculating the distance. Anyway, I was recording my feet while walking and was surprised to see some petals of white roses scattered. At first I thought they were just leaves falling from the tree but then I realized they were perfectly sprinkled at the sides of the stairs I was stepping on to. It looked like something you see during weddings and proposals where the lady walks down the aisle, eyes filled with tears of joy, and covering her mouth with both hands to look cute. You know what I mean. So I looked around and saw candles which I believed was formed into a heart shape and there were some video cameras being set up. I knew it. Someone was proposing in public. I stayed for a while. Thought I’d be an additional audience but when I looked back at the petals on the ground, the utility guy was already sweeping them off. So I thought the proposal has ended. I just hope she said “YES”.

I continued to walk my way home and reminisce the times when I wished someone would ask me to marry him one day and surprise me like that in public. I realized that I no longer want that, although I know my current boyfriend is capable of doing that. I bet he’d rent a whole cinema or take me on a helicopter ride. Or whatever crazy idea that he thinks is fancy. AJ, if you are reading this, I forbid you to do that. I am over those years. Long before we started dating, my fairytale dreams have changed. I have come to appreciate the simpler life. The more I get older, the more chill and private I want my life to be. I like intimate weddings, small gatherings, being surrounded by nature, and just staying at home most of the time.

Honestly, I don’t have that big circle of friends. I have a few close friends and I like it that way. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am not a snob and in situations where I am surrounded by strangers, I am usually the one who would approach people first. I don’t really go out of the house very often, even when I was still in Cebu. You barely see me to the point that our neighbors would ask my mother if I am still living in our house or have I moved out already. Some people might think I’m dead already. I don’t go to bars and clubs. And most of all, I don’t drink and smoke cigar. You think I am a party-goer because I live in the middle of the city where night clubs are just four cartwheels away. Look, I wouldn’t even show up when our neighbor living next to our house invites me over on occasions. Do I sound like a wet-blanket now? Well, in my defense, I am not comfortable eating at somebody else’s place because one, it would take me at least an hour to finish my meal; and two, I am too lazy to mingle with people. I know it’s not a good thing for some of you, but in our family, we don’t normally eat together. I always prefer to eat alone. And that’s never been a problem with my parents. The most valid reason I can give you is that I don’t eat on time. Also, when I don’t feel like eating yet, nobody can force me. I like to do things in my own time. Okay, let’s just stop talking about food. My stomach is growling. I wonder why when I was so full at dinner.

Where were we? Oh, I watched a movie prior to writing this. I found “Falling Inn Love” at Netflix. Turns out it was the one I have waited. Seen the trailer of it a couple of times maybe months ago. Remember how I kept saying in my previous posts that I’ve been looking for films similar to Letters to Juliet and Under the Tuscan Sun? Well guess what, the storyline of this movie is a combination of the two aforementioned films. It is about a career woman, probably my age, who lost her job and her boyfriend in a span of one week. She was devastated and during her misery, she stumbled upon this email where she won an “Inn” at a countryside in New Zealand. She then fell in love with a man who help her rebuild the inn, which by the way happens to be a scam. It was like ordering an item from an online shop. You expect the exact item to arrive only to disappoint you to the superlative degree you could ever imagine. I wouldn’t go into so much details so you would watch it, too.

The more I watch films with beautiful countryside setting, the more I want to move away from the city. I could be working in a flower shop there or in a café waiting tables. I could be an editor on a local newspaper where I just write anything under the sun. I could be an event coordinator, as what I have always dreamt of. I’d be greeting my neighbors good morning and we see each other in church on Sundays. In this life, I know how to ride a bike with a basket at the front full with fresh flowers I picked from my garden. I have a vintage van painted in a dusty blue color with white accents. Or a pink vespa that I ride going to my boutique at the small town where I sell cheap cute clothings and accessories and some decors I have personally made. I would cook delicious meals and go to farmer’s market on Saturdays. I would have a dog that I gifted to AJ but stays with me so he can use the dog as a reason to visit me more often. He also has to come by everyday because I can’t feed the dog. FYI, I have a doraphobia (kindly refer to google for an brief description). I don’t know why we’re still not married and living together at this point. But anyway, this is my dream life. Might change after a few years. Hopefully not.

Time check once again. it’4 minutes after 3. Expect me to wake up at around noon time. I’ll hit the sack now before the sun rises.

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